The super bitchin’ neon sign of the Safari Inn (1911 West Olive Avenue, Burbank) was one of the many noteworthy drive-by gems around greater Southern California that we didn’t have room for in the new edition of L.A. Bizarro. And it’s just as well, because since the book went to press we made a startling discovery: the Safari Inn played host to the Partridge Family!

In the famous episode “But The Memory Lingers On” (Season 1, Episode #8),  the Partridge family bus gets contaminated by a frightened skunk while the band is en route to a charity gig at a children’s hospital.  With no time to spare, P-Fam pulls over to the first motel they spot (The Safari) to book a quick shower for an intensive de-stinking.  Although the Safari Inn turned them away (they apparently don’t book by the hour, not then, not now), you can see the hilarity unfold in exterior shots of the motel parking lot—bus and all—easily identified by the tell-tale African moderne wrought iron of the second-floor railing.  The iconic signage, however, never made it into the frame, and we assume the location was chosen due only to it’s proximity to the Columbia lot, where the show was filmed, and not for the bitchin’ neon.

IMPORTANT PARTRIDGE FAMILY FOOTNOTE: The provenance of the Partridge family bus is well documented, but where it ended up after the show was cancelled remains a mystery. Apparently it was never gifted to a car museum, or repurposed by the studio. There is, in fact, a web-sourced rumor that the original Partridge Family bus (there are several fakes) sat—vandalized—behind “Lucy’s Mexican restaurant on Martin Luther King Blvd. near USC” until 1987 (?!?), at which point it was allegedly towed to a wrecking yard.  The rumor is erroneous at best however, as Lucy’s is on Melrose.

In any case, anyone who can produce a photo of the Partridge Family bus parked behind a Mexican Restaurant adjacent to USC  gets a free signed copy of L.A. Bizarro!  Anyone who can tell us how it got there, and, more importantly, where it went, will win a wild night of unbridled polyamorous passion with the L.A. Bizarro author of your choice. Or both of us together if you swing that way.  We just really want to know what happened to our favorite bus, and we’ll do anything to find out—as long as it’s legal in the state of California and doesn’t involve children or animals.

First, as a point of reference, we need to establish a little-known fact: Zsa Zsa Gabor is still alive. A lot of people might not realize that. Zsa Zsa is one of those celebrities whose obituary will undoubtedly be met with more comments like “I thought she died a long time ago…” rather than nostalgic sadness.

And for those of you who don’t keep up with geriatric celebrity gossip, Zsa Zsa is currently married to her ninth husband—or eighth or eleventh, depending on the source— Prince Frederic Von Anhalt, Duke of Saxony. Technically that makes Zsa Zsa a Duchess, but they much prefer the titles “Prince” and “Princess.” And while all that might sound impressive to an American, he allegedly bought his title, so it’s all a moot point really.

Whether bought or by birthright, we totally dig the Prince. In fact, we can’t figure out why Duke Frederic hasn’t secured his own reality show yet, or at least a spot on “Dancing with the Stars.” This is the man who staged a nude reenactment for paparazzi in his Bel Air driveway of a “gang” related clothing robbery by which he claimed to fall victim to three women posing as fans—or three aliens depending on the source—who left him naked (except for his baseball cap) and handcuffed to the steering wheel of his Rolls Royce. This is also the man who, for years, was subject to underground rumors of a homoerotic S&M horse role-playing fetish (the rumors are, as far as we know, completely unfounded, though we’d prefer to believe them). He is also the part-time headline grabber who claimed to be the father of Anna-Nicole Smith’s second child, Dannielynn (yes, that’s the correct spelling), and he plans to run for Governor of California this year too (Von Anhalt describes himself as a longtime republican and fiscal conservative who is liberal on social issues; he supports gay marriage rights, a broad amnesty for illegal immigrants, and legalization of marijuana).

His latest and greatest press conference yet: the recent announcement that he will be plastinating the body of his Not-So-Fresh Princess of Bel Air, just like those dubiously-sourced Chinese in the “Bodies” exhibit—although he’ll be leaving Zsa Zsa’s epidermis intact—and exhibiting her carcass in a tableaux, recreating a scene “from one of her films.”

As sensational as his statement is, what we find most shocking about Von Anhalt’s plan is that he thinks anyone would actually recognize a scene from one of Zsa Zsa’s films (although a moment from her 1966 vehicle Picture Mommy Dead might be a good start). And as much as we support his decision to plastinate his wife, we do think it’s slightly inappropriate to announce such a thing while the victim is still very much alive, but that’s our Duke.

We’re hoping that others take Von Anhalt’s lead, as this is a trend we’d love to see sweep Hollywood. And it wouldn’t even be necessary to wait until a celebrity died of natural causes either, there are plenty of celebrities that we’d like to see plastinated right now. Like Bruce Willis or Mel Gibson for instance. What about Lindsay Lohan? Plastinate her today, we say, and keep that gal out of trouble! And why wait for an adorable child star to grow up into a troubled adult when you could plastinate them in their prepubescent prime and keep them young and impish forever? Had such technology been around during the cancellation of Diffrn’t Strokes or the hey-day of the E.T. craze, just think of the downward spirals that could have been prevented, or all those Drew Barrymore performances movie audiences could have been spared over the past 28 years. Somewhere, Michael Jackson is wishing he had thought of this first.

We once had the pleasure of meeting both the Prince and Zsa Zsa at a party they held at their Bel Air hom in the ‘90s, celebrating the release of Zsa Zsa’s autobiography, One Lifetime Is Not Enough. Had we known at the time how much fun Von Anhalt was, we’d have never wasted so much of the evening chatting up the guest of honor or her friends Phyllis Diller, Merv Griffin, Ann Miller, and her sister Eva. What a wasted opportunity that was. Live and learn.

Maybe with the promise of plastination, the corpse of Zsa Zsa can squeeze a few more years from the One Lifetime of which she undoubtedly felt so cheated. And Duke Von Anhalt, if you’re reading this, we would totally love to hang with you, drinks on us. (Saddle on you?)